The Modern Day Rosarian

The Modern Day Rosarian

(For the Savoyards - the Fans of Gilbert & Sullivan)
By Robert B. Martin Jr.

(To the tune of “A Modern Major General”)

ROSE: I am the very model of a modern day rosarian,
I've info that's political, correct and vegetarian;
I know the shrubs of Austin and I quote the rose historical,
From gallica to moyesii in order categorical;
I am very well acquainted too with matters problematical,
I understand organics, both the simple and fanatical,
About the praying mantis I am teeming with a lot of news -
With many cheerful facts about its simple metamorphosis.

ALL: With many cheerful facts, etc.

ROSE:  I am very good at predators of aphids so delicious,
I know the scientific names of beings beneficious;
In short, in things political, correct and vegetarian,
I am the very model of a modern day rosarian.

ALL: In short, in things political, correct and vegetarian,
She is the very model of a modern day rosarian.

ROSE: I know of mythic history from Sappho to Ptolemy,
I answer rose acrostics, I've a taste for etymology;
I quote in perfect meter all the poems of Percy Shelley,
In potpourri, combine the peculiar with the smelly;
I can tell a polyantha from a noisette or gigantea,
I know of rosa species from the ecae to the banksia;
Then I can hum a fugue of music with a rosy nexus,
And whistle every chorus of the Yellow Rose of Texas.

ALL: And whistle every, etc.

ROSE:  Then I can tell of every rose in Josephine's Malmaison,
And write down every single name in calligraphy so uniform;
In short, in things political, correct and vegetarian.
I am the very model of a modern day rosarian.

ALL: In short, in things political, correct and vegetarian,
She is the very model of a modern day rosarian.

ROSE:  In fact, when I know what is meant by“pheromone”and”pyrethrum”,
When I can tell at sight a chrysoperia from a trichogram;
And when affairs to save the earth to me seem very logical,
And when I know precisely what is meant by “ecological”;
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern polymery,
When I know more of soapsuds than a laundress in a laundry;
In short when I've a smattering of horticulture strategy,
You'll say a better day rosarian has never sat a gee—

ALL: You'll say, etc.

ROSE:  For my knowledge of rose culture from experience sedentary,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still in things political, correct and vegetarian,
I am the very model of a modern day rosarian.

ALL: But still in things political, correct and vegetarian,
She is the very model of a modern day rosarian.